Boonen’s Tour back on, by a nose (and a handshake)

-- Boonen can’t say no to cocaine; Tour organisers can’t say no to Boonen

Dear Quick Step

Just a quick note congratulating you on Tom Boonen’s reinstatement to cycling’s showpiece, the Tour de France.

It’s a great credit to you and your fine legal representatives that you were able to fix Tom’s drug addiction so quickly and convince Tour organisers that nose candy shouldn't interfere with professional sport.

(I suspect that he doesn't actually engage in all that ghastly snorting - rather, he gets his fix with a handshake - works in has favour).

Finally, cycling is coming around to what baseball has known for years: sporting integrity is so last century.

Yours in fondness and admiration.

Lester

Specialized cocaine help

-- A letter to Specialized: store_customerservice@specialized.com

Dear Specialized

I am writing to tell you that I think Tom Boonen might be addicted to drugs and needs urgent help.

I know right now that Team Quick-Step is "working closely with team sponsors” (that's you), but could you also please help Tom.

His lawyer Luc Deleu says Tom is wise and aware of the consequences.

So I figure Tom’s second cocaine bust in 12 months means that his dependency has addled his capacity rational thought.

Like, he knew the consequences but did it anyway.

I think this is called drug addiction.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m a big fan of Tom's despite his repeated suspensions for cocaine use. Hell, I even ride Specialized.

(And I have to say that Tom’s recent Paris Roubaix victory seems all the more impressive now knowing that his system was clogged with cocaine residue – a known cardiovascular inhibitor. Imagine how much he’d have won by if he rode clean).

Please do your best to clean up Tom.

Yours in fondness and diminishing admiration.

Lester

Rehabilitating Boonen

-- Letter to Quick-Step

Dear Quick-Step

I am writing to tell you that I think Tom Boonen might be addicted to drugs and needs urgent help.

I understand right now Team Quick-Step is "working closely with team sponsors” (that's you), but could you also please help Tom.

His lawyer Luc Deleu says Tom is wise and aware of the consequences.

So I figure Tom’s second cocaine bust in 12 months means that his dependency has addled his capacity rational thought.

Like, he knew the consequences but did it anyway.

I think this is called drug addiction.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m a big fan of Tom's despite his repeated suspensions for cocaine use.

(And I have to say that Tom’s recent Paris Roubaix victory seems all the more impressive now knowing that his system was clogged with cocaine residue – a known cardiovascular inhibitor. Imagine how much he’d have won by if he rode clean).

Please do your best to clean up Tom.

Yours in fondness and diminishing admiration.

Lester