Another good reason to cycle

-- Running out of petrol won’t cost you a thing

Cycling will seem even better with the rubber stamping of a Transport Agency bylaw fining motorists for running out of steam anywhere on Auckland’s 72.7km motorway network.

Not that cyclists are big users of Auckland motorways. Or are they?

Anyway, that’s not to say cyclists don’t run out of fuel. And when they do, the results can be hideous and, frankly, deserving of financial penalty. The guy below, a professional road cyclist, forgot to eat and within minutes found himself pulling this stunt.

Riders with more panache are able to adapt and rise above fuel depravation. With the right kind of eye, roadsides offer a veritable treasure trove of sustenance.

Heineken – abundantly available on New Zealand roadsides and ocean bottoms

For the better prepared, there are a range of stronger chemical enhancers – like testosterone – popular with South African trans-gender athletes. Some advice – female cyclists: be sure to practice speaking like Cadel Evans and you won't give yourselves away.

Cadel speaks like a girl. Could it be drugs?

Quite possibly, if this photo of Cadel, taken at Silence Lotto's 2008 end-of-season karaoke competition, is anything to go by.

The cycling revolution will not be televised

-- Government’s failure to invest in bike infrastructure is turning Kiwis into fat bastards

Study: Commuters are less likely to ride a bicycle to work when governments fail to invest in bike infrastructure. (Tell us something we don’t know).

A recent Australian study shows Sydneysiders (who are buying bicycles at a faster rate than cars) are far less likely to ride a bicycle to work than people living in other Australian and international cities. A lack of useful and safe bike paths, the CBD's many one-way roads, and a shortage of places to store bikes during the day are keeping commuters in their cars.

With only 1.8 per cent of its 4,100 kilometres of cycleways designated bike-only lanes, Sydney lags behind other cities, but is streets ahead of major New Zealand cities.

Hell, the New Zealand Transport Agency isn’t even prepared to consider trialing a bicycle/walking lane on Auckland’s only harbour crossing (Regional transport chairwoman Christine Rose said it achieved a “low assessment against the criteria" for priority transport projects).

In the meantime, the hardy few cyclists braving a work commute continue to be treated as pariahs of the road (and face getting the bash from motorists), while the New Zealand government fritters more than $900 million a year on sport and recreation – to little effect. 

A near 60-per cent increase in sport and recreation funding over the past decade has all but failed to increase the average Kiwi’s physical output.

What the? $900 million worth of advertising to get our fattening arses off the couch, but no harbour bridge cycle lane (or any other cycle lanes of strategic significance)? And this, despite a Sport and Recreation Active New Zealand survey highlighting cycling as one of the most common types of activity.... slightly less popular than walking (including walking to the pub, back from the pub); gardening (exercise, my arse); swimming (passable); and fishing (don’t make me laugh).

Here’s an idea: siphon the spectacularly ineffectual Sport and Recreation advertising budget and put it into cycle lane construction for bicycle-owning commuters, who are currently too spooked to leave their cars. The spinoffs are many, not the least reducing New Zealand’s average arse size and public health bill.