Bringing decency to nude cycling

-- The cyclist’s merkin

Naked bicycle rider and natural athlete Nick Lowe has taken his case to the High Court in Wellington in a bid to overturn a conviction and $200 fine for offensive behaviour.

My initial reaction was, I suspect, like most others – c’mon people, sweat the big stuff. If he wants to ride in the buff then leave him to it.

However, comments later in the story made me wonder if there’s more to Mr Lowe than meets the eye and if, in fact, the complainant has every reason to object.

Lowe’s claims that he can exercise for about two hours before it gets too uncomfortable, at which point he uses “a lot more anti-chap cream than most,” isn’t the type of solo performance fellow competitors, or road users, should have to witness.

Rugby and league players might wonder what all the fuss is about, but to people who respect boundaries of reasonable taste and behaviour, there is no place in this country for sporting onanism.

My advice to Lowe is cover up.

And I’ve found just the thing.

The cyclist’s merkin.

Keep it hidden without losing that in the buff feeling.

There's more.

This merkin comes with a pivoting lamp for hands free illumination, and two blinking "lure" modes.

Just the thing for the sporting exhibitionist.

Fixie love

-- A little something for all you haters

I love the whole fixie thing. Even tried it once.

Now I’m missing a posterior cruciate ligament. Figure I’m not really cut out for that sort of coolness.

These days my trusty Avanti’s tuned back to freewheel wretchedness and my riding style might be described as apologetic.

Looking back, it didn’t help that I’m too fat for those skinny jeans, too poor to buy a Brooks saddle, and too scared of tatts and piercing to street credibly individualise my saggy skin bag.

But, hey, I wear my street style on the inside, dude.

As a crippled outsider I’ve continued watching, often in awe of the stoic nonchalance a fixter is able to maintain running red lights, but always respectful of the whole thing they’ve got going on.

And I’m encouraged to see the occasional internet parody, like the one below, which tells me that far from being a sideshow on the distant periphery, unworthy of a single thought, fixter-ism is creeping from the fringes and into the consciousness of commentators and others a few cogs closer to, well, the mainstream.

And that’s good for everyone, I think.

Check it out. Hat tip to BikesnobNYC.