Boonen cocaine positive demystified

-- Just who can you trust?

Boonen’s third cocaine positive tested his lawyers’ powers of spin.

There was talk of suspect handshaking and spiked drinks.

But no mention of Tom’s spiked ball.

Sky TV tunes in to cycling

-- Tour of Britain coverage on the schedule

News just in - Sky TV has published its September schedule, showing rather chunky coverage of The Tour of Britain.

This is rather good news for New Zealand's 1.3 million cyclists, who aren't satisfied with a TV diet restricted to July's Tour de France and a 1-hour Paris-Roubaix highlights package.

I'd point you to the schedule, but Sky's website is so poxy I'm unable to find it. Their two monkeys on the lose at Sky's Mt Wellington call centre couldn't much help, either.

Thankfully there are other ways.

Fingers crossed tour coverage will bump off air at least a few episodes of rugby league's past golden moments. Arrghh!

Stage 1 Highlights 9/13/09 Noon Sport 3 1
Stage 2 Highlights 9/14/09 13:00 Sport 3 2
Stage 2 Highlights 9/15/09 03:00 Sport 1 2
Stage 3 Highlights 9/15/09 12:30 Sport 3 3
Stage 3 Highlights 9/15/09 18:30 Sport 2 3
Stage 3 Highlights 9/15/09 22:30 Sport 3 3
Stage 4 Highlights 9/16/09 13:00 Sport 3 4
Stage 4 Highlights 9/16/09 20:30 Sport 3 4
Stage 5 Highlights 9/17/09 13:00 Sport 3 5
Stage 5 Highlights 9/17/09 17:30 Sport 1 5
Stage 5 Highlights 9/17/09 23:30 Sport 3 5
Stage 6 Highlights 9/18/09 13:00 Sport 1 6
Stage 6 Highlights 9/18/09 23:30 Sport 3 6
Stage 7 Highlights 9/19/09 10:30 Sport 1 7
Stage 7 Highlights 9/19/09 14:30 Sport 3 7
Stage 7 Highlights 9/19/09 21:30 Sport 3 7
Stage 8 Highlights 9/20/09 14:00 Sport 3 8
Stage 8 Highlights 9/20/09 22:00 Sport 3 8

Another good reason to cycle

-- Running out of petrol won’t cost you a thing

Cycling will seem even better with the rubber stamping of a Transport Agency bylaw fining motorists for running out of steam anywhere on Auckland’s 72.7km motorway network.

Not that cyclists are big users of Auckland motorways. Or are they?

Anyway, that’s not to say cyclists don’t run out of fuel. And when they do, the results can be hideous and, frankly, deserving of financial penalty. The guy below, a professional road cyclist, forgot to eat and within minutes found himself pulling this stunt.

Riders with more panache are able to adapt and rise above fuel depravation. With the right kind of eye, roadsides offer a veritable treasure trove of sustenance.

Heineken – abundantly available on New Zealand roadsides and ocean bottoms

For the better prepared, there are a range of stronger chemical enhancers – like testosterone – popular with South African trans-gender athletes. Some advice – female cyclists: be sure to practice speaking like Cadel Evans and you won't give yourselves away.

Cadel speaks like a girl. Could it be drugs?

Quite possibly, if this photo of Cadel, taken at Silence Lotto's 2008 end-of-season karaoke competition, is anything to go by.

Another magic moment in sport

-- Somewhere near Auckland’s waterfront

Earlier today, Chopper Guard attended a top-secret waterfront photo shoot for the launch of a new fixie range.

Here I was expecting a despairing encounter with anxious creatives herding tattooed rabble more interested in bike bingo.

But, no. Hell no.

Finally, a manufacturer who gets it.

The secret to increasing bicycle sales is getting more chicks on bikes.

Chicks want to look hot (like this one) when they ride.

They won’t if they don’t.

And when hot chicks ride past pavement lubbers they'll want to ride bikes, too.

Simple.

Tell me the name of the manufacturer and be in to win Chopper Guard’s Cycle Sauce 2010 calendar.

You can beat an egg

-- But you can't beet-a-root

Chopper Guard readers were first to learn about the performance enhancing effects of Heineken. Now here’s something else for your nutrition regime. Beetroot. That’s right. Nitrates contained in beetroot juice boost stamina by reducing the oxygen cost of exercise. Get into it.

'Careless' truckie: Update 2

-- Desmond Wilson, 45, on trial for running down and killing senior police officer Steve Fitzgerald (pictured above), said there was no cyclist in front of him

I figure that means Wilson just didn't see Fitzgerald as he swung his trailer unit into the 1.5 metre shoulder in which Fitzgerald was cycling.

The bump later noted by Wilson, who thought it was a traffic island, was Fitzgerald being crushed under the wheels of the articulated truck.

Now the courts will decide if Wilson is guilty (he pleaded not guilty) to the charge of careless driving causing death.

Presumably it's not criminal to drive on a shoulder, if you don't hit anyone doing it. So I figure the outcome is down to arguing about whether failing to 'see' is 'careless'.

The area was lit and Fitzgerald's bike had front and rear lights. Hardly facts supporting Fitzgerald's invisibility.

Let's assume Wilson isn't blind and possesses the vision satisfying standards for licensed drivers.

In which case he is careless.

Perhaps his driving directly reflects the attitude of the CEO of NZ Trucking Association, Rodney Auton, who believes cyclist shouldn't be on the road. "Our view is move the cyclists off the road where all will be safer and we are lobbying that with Government constantly"

It's this attitude - cyclists shouldn't be on the road - that is probably most responsible for vehicle/cyclist accidents. Because when that's how drivers think, that's how they drive, and the thin grey line between safety and 'accident' is crossed. And there's never any argument when it's cyclist versus vehicle.

Cycling Sauce: Chopper Guard Bicycle Lovelies

-- August Sauce – The Felt Bicycles Cruiser Girl

We should be thankful that Felt cycles founder Jim Felt, who made a name for himself in motocross as an ace mechanic, is now dedicated to the purer form of two wheels. Cruising, once the sordid domain of public toilets and fat necked scoutmasters, is now ripe for the hot embrace of mainstream cycling enthusiasts. Thanks Jim!