Truck driver Desmond Wilson sentenced for killing cyclist

-- You may have missed the two column centimetres

The final chapter of senior police officer Steve Fitzgerald’s life closed earlier this month in the Wellington District Court, where truck driver Desmond Wilson was found guilty of causing the death of Superintendent Fitzgerald through careless driving.

Judge Tom Broadmore said he was satisfied that Wilson had diverted his attention from the road and that Mr Fitzgerald was visible.

Wilson was ordered to pay Fitzgerald’s family $2000 "emotional" reparation and banned from driving for nine months.

People’s champion McCauley tweets China triumph

-- Epic bowel movement eclipses Tour of Hainan fourth place

Subway Avanti rider, five times New Zealand road cycling champion and self proclaimed champion of the people (which people we’re not sure), Gordon McCauley recently finished fourth on General Classification in the UCI2.HC Tour of Hainan, China.

However, it turns out his penultimate summit push was in a toilet at the Hong Kong International Airport.

Cycling Sauce: Chopper Guard Bicycle Lovelies

-- November Sauce – The over achieving Australian glamour puss mountain biker chic

Australian mountain biker, graphic designer, model and artist Niki Gudex’s world championship mountain biking achievements are dwarfed by her expertly promoted sex appeal.

Nothing sells like sex, as they say. Just ask Oakley, Scott bikes, and Castelli cycling apparel, which were so taken by Niki's facets that they each appointed her as global brand ambassador.

White Mofo range extended

-- Chopper Guard wMOFO™ T-shirt range extended

Yesterday, in Parnell, Auckland, the suburb favoured by well-healed white mofos, Chopper Guard launched its wMOFO™ T-shirts.

The response has been tremendous and the first print run (10) has sold out.

Not to worry, the sweatshop is winding back into life as I write.

We’ve also taken the opportunity to expand our range.

‘Ngati white mofo’ (above) for those who really identify with their whiteness.

And (below), for the angry cyclist-hating motorist in the family (most families have one or two), ‘I love cycling mofos’

T-shirt giveaway

-- A positive spin on a cheeky darkie

Yesterday we pondered Cadel Evans’ now merchandised spin on his threats to cut journalist heads off.

What a great idea, we thought, quickly turning our attention to the commercial potential of promoting grave personality defects.

While there are a few local cyclists who should consider a T-shirt of their own, Chopper Guard cast the net wider to conjure its own MOFO series, celebrating local political outcast Hone Harawira and his fun with racism.

So, here they are. $30 a piece.

Cadel Evans humour

-- Buy the t-shirt, or I cut your head off

Despite a freshly minted road world champion gold medal hanging around his neck, Australian cyclist Cadel Evans is perhaps better known for his prickly outbursts and acts of violence.

In this regard, 2008 was a vintage year for Evans, when Tour de France performance expectations became too much to bear and offence became the best form of defence.

Head-butts and slapping aside, one of his more memorable outbursts was prompted by his dog Molly, whose safety was clearly threatened by marauding journalists, causing Cadel to hiss: “Don’t stand on my dog or I’ll cut your head off.”

However, it turns out that in making this statement Cadel intended no threat. The outburst was in fact a joke – Cadel humour. That’s right.

To promote his point Cadel has hired merchandisers to contextualise his outburst and exploit it, in the form of a 100% cotton limited edition t-shirt, designed and printed in Italy, to supplement his income.

His online shop assistant at cadelevans.com.au explains:

"Stage 15 in the 2008 Tour de France; Cadel had just lost the yellow jersey and was being interviewed by a journalist, Cadel jokingly quipped at someone who was getting too close to Molly..."Don`t stand on my dog or I`ll cut your head off". Thanks to some media editing the true comic nature of the comment was rarely shown."

Anyone who’s seen the clip will wonder just what sort of sneaky “media editing” might have caused them to misinterpret Cadel’s humour and miss its “true comic nature”. Just what editing trickery can contort, “Don`t stand on my dog or I’ll cut your head off".

Perhaps we’d give Cadel the benefit of the doubt if we better understood his cultural reference points. Australians are a quirky bunch.

The closest pointer to Cadel’s comedic reference points is compatriot and comedian Rodney Rude, who joked about a fella who walked into a bar and went up to another bloke and then put his hands around his own neck and made choking noises. After he did this a few times an onlooker asked him why he was doing it. He replied that the bloke’s sister had just hung herself and he was just “teasing him a bit.”

Journalists should remember this when Cadel starts waving a knife at their throats.

He’s just teasing them a bit.

Boning up on bicycle breaks

-- Building strong ‘landing’ bones

Lycra and a plastic lid offer little protective comfort to riders unlucky enough to experience an involuntary road dive.

When you hit the road at 40km, something – usually a collarbone – gets broken.

Turns out that cyclists could do themselves, and their bones, a favour by cross training.

Apparently the act of cycling fails to offer riders sufficient repetitive impact to stimulate maximal bone density.

One recent study found cyclists to have lower bone density than the study control sample.

So, while cyclists are quite good at self-inflicting physical pain and suffering, the duress isn’t the variety that keeps bones in top-notch condition.

As a sporting group, we are in fact more predisposed to bone breaks than other codes, like, for example, rugby, where the hot embrace of manhandling offers a fantastic volume of repetitive impact; or league, which offers repetitive headline grabbing impact by attracting players prone to manhandling both sexes.

Direct weight bearing exercise is what’s needed. And the pure cyclist doesn’t get it perched on the saddle.

Cross training is the answer, weight training and running specifically. Mineral supplementation doesn’t work.

I put these thoughts to Lunn Ave rider and Doctor of Bicycle Engineering and Performance, Mike P. While he agrees with the sentiment, he says the study shows that not all cyclists suffer lowering bone density and the cure might be simpler than we think.

He writes -

The study suggests those affected:

- Don't do much else other than cycle

- Maybe are also cosseted by their mums and all the other modern inconveniences that minimise non-cycling effort of any type

- Are more likely to be spinners than shovers

- Maybe the big milers, but do not necessarily work really hard

- May alternatively be young, still developing skeletally, and suffering the consequences of loading brilliant natural cycling capability on top of an already demanding growing process

- Maybe professionals, sleeping twice a day, with no other interests or hard activity

Mineral loss through sweating is a factor, supplements don't solve it, and calcium uptake is reduced by a lack of vitamin D.

I suspect the answer is to eat foods high in calcium, as opposed to swallowing calcium pills. In line with my last outburst, pills appear high by chemical analysis in terms of what is required, but appear to be correspondingly low in absorbability e.g. munching down a shell off the beach might put the grams of calcium ingested right up there, but it doesn't mean the system can metabolise it as it does milk.

Ditto vitamin D. Take the pill by all means, but it might be better to expose some skin to direct sunlight for a few minutes each day. And given a cyclist's extreme requirements, make that more than one time during the day.

Bone loading is what is really required (as opposed to bone shocking, via running, as the article mainly points to). Jarring provides high peak loads of short duration, so is the most obvious fast track to getting the system to recognise the need for more bone strength, and act on it.

However, running jar-loads only some bones - but what about the rest? I doubt running will ever strengthen collarbones, and they are the first to go in a cycling pile up. The only way to strengthen "the landing bones" is to work the muscles that lever across their ends. Gym shit. And if that works, so will cycle sprints.

All that is required to increase bone strength (density) is to load the corresponding muscles. While physical shock treatment may accelerate the process, and perhaps even take it beyond what controlled loading could do, shock is not necessary. It has been shown that sedentary geriatrics exercising at snail pace with tiny weights can reduce their osteoporosis with even that bone loading, so why can't a hard-arse cyclist stay on top of bone density?

My conclusion is, the modern global encouragement that gets couch potatoes out there in flash lycra and on techno carbon has exposed the wine-set. As always, there are some short-cuts, but the reality is no real pain, no real gain. Put another way - those that mow their own grass will be just fine.